NQasnasi personality disorder is relatively rare, and only affects 1-2 % of Americans Through some estimates. But the presence of a form of relationship with a person who has narcissism is not uncommon. The disorder – which is carried by arrogance, greatness, lack of sympathy, exploitation, aggression, and the continuous need for confirmation and admiration – also has an attractive side. “I was attracted to the narcissists at the beginning,” says Amy Bronil, a professor of psychology at Ohio State University and a prolific production researcher for narcissism. “They are charming, they are enjoyable, they are active, and then over time, the negative qualities come out more and more.”
Bronel recently wrote Scientific article On how to understand narcissism and deal when you are in a relationship with narcissistic. Here is what you say you should know about how to move in those relationships.
How can the narcissism offer?
As Bronil describes it, the narcissists “are concentrated on themselves, they deserve, and they often believe that the world should revolve around them.” But they are not all in the same way.
A large group of work that dates back to contracts divides narcissism into three types: Narcissism agentand Collective narcissismAnd exhibition Narcissism. Of the three, the deep narcissism is the most famous and handsome. Brunil explains that the parents of parents have conflicting views of themselves, and seeing their competence and intelligence is much greater than those that others have. In an attempt to preserve this subjective image, they often bother the talents and mood of friends, colleagues and family members. They invest in the situation and admiration more than they are in the intimate relationship. They suffer from their tirelessness, and she houses the great imaginations of their horizons and projects, and often participate in competition with people-especially co-workers-who threaten their sense of priority.
“Ask these narcissists about themselves [and] They say, “Oh yes, I am a supporter of society and very wonderful.” “But if you ask their peers about them, they actually see them as a kind of aggression.”
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Collective narcissists are looking for admiration by being too much – excessive – useful and useful, and sometimes they help when it is not needed or demand. This type of other guidance looks inconsistent with the narchat meter pulses; However, behavior does not come from a place for real altruism, but instead the need to be loved and admired, says Bronil.
“The collective narcissists are the promotion of the self,” she says. “They think they are the most useful person – that no one can do a lot of good as they do.”
The weak narcissist is the most fragile type. Brunell explains that the weak narcissists have no self -embarrassment that is the client’s boycott or collective narcissistic. Instead, it compensates for a deep feeling of self -esteem. Often, it can be socialized, defense, anxiety, depression-a painful group of feelings that try to fight with selfishness, arrogance, defense and self-focus.
“The weak narcissists feel bad about themselves,” says Brunil. “They are chronicly angry because they do not get what they think because of them, so they tend to be more hostile. For a while, they struggled with the reason why the weak narcissists are narcissistic at all, except that they share the basic advantage of focusing on the self.”
What causes narcissism?
Narcissotherapy roots are like species. Some research, including 2014 Ticket Among the twins in China, it indicates that genetics may play a role, as the twins seem more than other siblings. Other studies Compary of adopting children with biological children also indicates genetics, as biological children show the behavior of their narcissist parents more than adopted children.
But research in this field is not strong. “There is some evidence that narcissism is hereditary, although it is small,” says Brunil. This type of research is also cloudy: “Inside families, you are looking at common genes, but you also look at the behaviors that are learned from generation to generation.” In general, most of the narcissism researchers tend towards “upbringing” instead of the “Nature” school. “It is very easy to answer from the great narcissist perspective that parents create from these young narcisses,” says Brunil.
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A lot of parental praise, Bronil writes in its new paper, can cause “the development of an enlarged feeling in particular as” distinctive “that can only be preserved through constant admiration by others. The same feature of paternity and motherhood can also lead to common narcissism, as isolated children to believe that they are uniquely qualified to serve and save the world.
The weak narcissists are created in the opposite direction: by parents who refuse, ignore or behave. These types of hunger shares of parents ’approval leads the child to search elsewhere for emotional nutrition.
“With weak narcissism,” Bronil says, “with weak narcissism,” says Brunil.
Can Narcissists change?
Narcissism is usually not similar to other emotional or psychological states. A person who has phobia does not want to feel terrifying from spiders. A person with depression does not want to be very sad. Bronil says that many narcissists, on the other hand, are sold on the idea of their uniqueness and often do not want to change, even if they know that their behavior is working against them.
“there A group of research This indicates that the narcissists know that others find them annoying. “” They know that their reputation is not great. But they do not put this awareness at work and change. They still believe that the other person’s mistake. They think you are jealous, and that you don’t see how great it is. “
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However, Bronil notes that people with narcissism generally do not reject narcissistic characteristics in others – evidence that they are unable to identify the negative aspects of behavior.
There are some research that find narcissism can improve. One 2014 Ticket He showed that when the people who display the narcissism were asked to make their sincerely on these societal statements such as “I am a care person”, they reported less narcissistic behavior in the positions of the real world after that, although the effect was temporary. The study itself showed a similar improvement when the narcissists were asked to remember a time when they showed anxiety, love and the acceptance of another person. “The thing is to make them talk or think more than” we. ”
How to deal with narcissism in relationships
When dealing with one of the parents or narcissistic partner, this can help in directing the changes you want to see on the person making the person, but asserting that you make this request because this person is important for you.
“For the child, if you feel angry, they can take away all your resources,” says Brunil. “I would like to suggest that instead of facing the father necessarily, they can deal with them in a way that they say,” My mother, I really care about our relationship and make you happy, then try to confirm yourself. “
In a romantic relationship, it helps to prepare clear limits for behaviors that will not be tolerated, but these conversations can often end in sadness. “Narcissists tend to be a very reaction and tend to play the victim, so they do not necessarily deal with critical reactions well,” says Brunil. “However, if you hold it in a way that the other person is interested in, you can reduce the strike a little.”
Things are more difficult with a narcissistic president, because, like a father, this person may have the ability to deprive you of an important thing – in this case, your job. Here Bronil recommends that what your goals are in any meeting with a narcissistic president – what you are trying to get out of a meeting, lack of attention or shaking due to bad behavior.
“You have an agenda for every meeting,” she says. “Learn what you need from it, then select the expectations for what you will get and what you will not get.”
When do I say goodbye
Often, the most correct way to deal with the relationship with the narcissist is to leave it, says Bronil. When it comes to a romantic relationship, anything that makes a person feel insecure – any suggestion at all – requires leaving. These relationships must end. Less than that, things often depend on the amount of voltage that the partner wants without narcissism to continue its position.
“If you tried everything there to try it, you do not meet your needs, if you feel chronic double and do not see it, if you have tried treatment, if you have tried to work with your partner, then it may be time to end the relationship.” The risks are not high in friendship with narcissistic, but the same instructions apply.
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Then there is a dilemma that can arise when you have a good job with a bad president – you succeed in the work you love for the manager you hate. In this case, Bronil recommends assessing whether it is possible to do the same type of work elsewhere – donations that you can explore yourself while continuing to work in your current job – then seize the opportunity if one introduces himself.
When people themselves free from these toxic dynamics, they still have some work in front of them. It is important, for one thing, not to allow someone to return to your life who you want to go out. “If the narcissist calls you and does not want to make a call, it may be your limits,” says Brunil. “I think feeling a little more to make these decisions for yourself can be really important.”
During the relationship and after its end, it is also important to search for health verification and emotional support that you may not get. Friends, teachers and mentors can provide these types of resources. The important point is to remember your own agency. “Sometimes, we feel stumbled in situations where we were not already stuck. He feels this way,” says Brunil.