WASHINGTON — After her Army son died in an armored vehicle rollover accident in Syria in May, Sheila Murphy says she never received a call or letter from President Donald Trump. Even when she waited months to console him, she wrote to him to say, “Some days I don’t want to… I live,” and I heard nothing.
In return, Trump called to console Eddie and Alden Lee about 10 days after their Army son was killed in an explosion while on patrol in Iraq in April. “Nice young man,” Trump said, according to Aldean. She thought that was a beautiful word to hear about her son, “beautiful.”
Like presidents before him, Trump has made personal contact with some, but not all, of the families of those killed. What’s different is that Trump, alone among them, has picked a political battle over who did a better job of honoring war dead and their families.
He has placed himself at the top of that pantheon, boasting on Tuesday that “I think I’ve called every family of someone who died” while previous presidents had made no such calls.
But the Associated Press found relatives of two soldiers who died overseas during Trump’s presidency who said they never received a call or letter from him, as well as relatives of a third soldier who did not receive a phone call. Evidence abounds that Barack Obama and George W. Bush — saddled with combat casualties far greater than the nearly two dozen so far under Trump — took painstaking steps to write, call, or meet with bereaved military families.
The topic was raised because it was nearly two weeks before Trump called the families of four American soldiers killed in Niger about two weeks ago. He made the calls on Tuesday.
Read more: Trump sparks outrage by claiming previous presidents didn’t console military families by phone
Meanwhile, Rep. Frederica Wilson said late Tuesday that Trump told the widow of a slain soldier that he “knew what he signed up for.” Early Wednesday, the president called Wilson’s account of the conversation fabricated.
The Florida Democrat said she was in the car with Misiah Johnson on her way to Miami International Airport to receive the body of Johnson’s husband, Sgt. No David Johnson when Trump called. Wilson says she heard part of the conversation over speaker.
When WPLG in Miami asked her if she actually heard Trump say that, she replied: “Yes, he said that. To me, that’s something you can say in conversation, but you shouldn’t say that to a grieving widow.” She added: “That’s very insensitive.” “.
Trump strongly objected to the recount early Wednesday.
“The Democratic Congresswoman completely fabricated what I said to the wife of a soldier who died in combat (and I have proof). Sad!” he said on Twitter.
Sgt. Johnson was among four soldiers killed in the ambush in Niger.
Wilson said she didn’t hear the entire conversation and Mishia Johnson told her she couldn’t remember everything that was said.
The White House did not immediately comment.
Read more: Trump’s claims about his ancestors and fallen troops are disputed
Trump’s delay in publicly discussing the men missing in Niger does not appear to have been unusual, judging by past examples, but his politicization of the matter was exceptional. On Tuesday, he went so far as to cite the death of Chief of Staff John Kelly’s son in Afghanistan to question whether Obama had properly honored the war dead.
Kelly was a Marine general under Obama when his Marine son, Robert, died in 2010. “You can ask General Kelly, did he get a phone call from Obama?” Trump said in statements to Fox News Radio.
Democrats and some former government officials were angry, accusing Trump of “insane cruelty” and “sick gaming.”
“I just wish this commander in chief would stop using Gold Star families as pawns in whatever sick game he’s trying to play here,” said Democratic Sen. Tammy Duckworth of Illinois, an Iraq veteran who lost both her legs when her helicopter was attacked.
For their part, Gold Star families who lost loved ones in wartime told the AP about the warm acts of kindness performed by the Obamas and Bushes as those leaders comforted them.
Trump initially claimed that he was the only one among presidents who made a point of contacting families. Obama may have done so at times, but “other presidents haven’t called,” he said.
He evaded Tuesday as the record made clear his description was wrong. “I don’t know,” he said of the previous calls. But he said his own practice was to summon all the families of the war dead.
But that didn’t happen:
There is no White House protocol requiring presidents to speak or meet with families of Americans killed in action — an impossible task in the bloodiest phase of the war. But they often do.
About 6,900 Americans have been killed in foreign wars since the attacks of September 11, 2001, the vast majority of them during the era of Bush and Obama.
Despite the heavy losses on his watch — more than 800 killed each year from 2004 to 2007 — Bush wrote to all bereaved military families and met or spoke with hundreds if not thousands, his spokesman, Freddie Ford, said.
Veterans groups said they did not object to the way the presidents identified the dead or their families.
“I don’t think there’s any president I know who hasn’t called their families,” said Rick Weidman, co-founder and executive director of the Vietnam Veterans of America organization. “President Obama called a lot, and President Bush called a lot. They also made regular visits to Walter Reed and Bethesda Medical Center, in the evenings and on Saturdays.
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Bynum reported from Savannah, Georgia. Jonathan Drew in Raleigh, North Carolina, Christine De Groot in Philadelphia, Jennifer McDermott in Providence, Rhode Island, Michelle Price in Salt Lake City, and Hope Yen and Robert Burns in Washington contributed to this report.