Each generation has a whisper mother.
It was my mother and my father Benjamin Spock, The pediatrician who promoted the revolutionary idea that children should be proud and acquired, not palpitations or beating. His Book of Book of Baby and Child Care became one of the best books in the twentieth century.
When she became pregnant, she relied on “what can be expected when you expect”, written by Heidi Morkov and Sharon Mac. Anti -approachThe critics lead to its name, “What frightens it when you expect.”
After my daughter was born in 1992, she relied on T He wrote each development leap, accompanied by a temporary slope.
Then came Harvey Carb, who wrote “The happiest child is the happiest of the bloc” for the year 2002. We learned to lead to a reflection of the child’s comfort through the calendar, an old practice that helped her revive, and made chosen sounds. He was also the first pediatrician for my daughter, although by time he was published the best specialist for his huge formula, my daughter was already ten years old.
And now she expects her child.
Friends who have become my grandparents who became ancestors told me that things had changed. Their children generally take a more organized approach in meals and sleep time, for example. The father whispered to generate them from the indigenous digital population, which is easily raised to all human knowledge, is not a pediatrician, psychiatrist or a doctor of any kind.
She is Emily Auster, an economist at the University of Brown and the mother of two of their book “Expects Best”, “Keppi Ord” and “Family Company” encouraging parents to follow an approach based on data in decision -making. (Her famous website Parentdata.)
Armed with the best and most relevant information from high-quality studies, as you say, mothers and parents can make their own decisions on topics such as breastfeeding, sleep training, toilet training, and perhaps- Her most controversial position – Whether it is good to have a cup of wine from time to time during pregnancy, as you did. (I had two cups of wine on the first night of the riots in Los Angeles, when I was four years old, and my daughter got degrees from the University of California in Berkeley and Weel.)
I was partially happy because I didn’t want to face the possibility of circumcision, which was a controversial problem in my home. In “cribsheet”, Oster determines its risks and benefits. While some friends told me I am concerned about pain On the infant was ridiculous, Oster cited 1997 study Showing infants who suffer from pain during circumcision has the most powerful pain responses after four to six months. In other words, the data confirmed my fears – although doctors now tend to recommend a kind of pain prevention.
“I wanted to take pregnancy in the way I used to the rest of my life, as a person who loves data,” Oster told me on Thursday. “I expect better” than this frustration. “
After the birth of her first child, for example, she made decisions about the evening meal as an economist. Was it logical cooking from scratch, using a service application or getting eating abroad? “How do you compare the cost of these options by planning meals and preparing on my own?” Write. What is the value of its time, or “the cost of an alternative opportunity”, as an economic expert will put it?
“This economic approach to decision -making,” you write, “do not choose for you, just tells you how to structure it.”
Dr. Carb once told me to become a father for the first time, like standing on one side of a high brick wall: You can only Perceive What is on the other side. “With a first child,” Auster writes, “Most of us are somewhat surprising from the entire experience. After all, you didn’t do it before. Even I, a very nervous person, knew that things would appear and do not expect them.”
Upon the doctor’s advice, for example, gloves were placed on her infant daughter, Penelope, so that she does not inadvertently scratch herself. Then her mother told her that this would ensure that the Benellop would never learn to use her hands.
Auster diving in search. Although she did not find any studies on whether gloves prevent children from learning to use their hands, they found One shows that over the past half century, there was only there 20 reports Of children who have been wounded by gloves – barely enough to get work.
Auster said: “I think there is a lot of the advice of the oldest generation that I think is often goodwill and is not always useful,” Auster said. “I think part of the issue is in fact – and I say this with love – it is difficult to remember what is like you have a baby.”
Driven or not, each generation comes with new paternity and motherhood practices.
Auster said, “My mother said:” Put the child to sleep on his stomach. “For data based on reasons, we are no longer doing it anymore.”
It turns out that the children sleeping on their stomachs At the highest Sudden infant death syndrome. The current advice of experts is that children should be placed to sleep on their backs without an arrangement and paper equipped in bed or bed. It was “Bed” bed Prohibited In the United States in 2022 because children can fall against them and suffocate. Common sleep with your child is also not.
“It is now something that will be asked not to do it, and this is also something that a large share of people does not talk about,” Auster said.
However, Auster says, “What I am trying to be clear about is that joint sleep is not without its dangers, and even that it is safely as possible, there are some low risks that are in line with the risks that people bear every day. There is no choice in life that has no Danger, and you have to balance the risks with benefit. “
Thirty -two years ago, when I was pregnant with Chloe, my colleague, My Times Bob Sipchen, a father of three children, took me aside.
“Listen, ABCARIAN”, he said. “The only thing you should know is that no parents believe that any other father is doing a good job.”
He was right. One of the great challenges facing paternity is to learn to fortify yourself against everyone’s opinions and advice.
This is where the parent’s whisper comes: better than them gives you confidence to do what is suitable for you.
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